Depression, BPD. CBT, relationship

Im really not able to cope up with the fear in myself.The person I love the most has left me, cz he feels that I do not put efforts in anything to make things right.From childhood I've never had a understanding , calm environment at home. Parents are strict siblings were never easy to communicate. Was always held back if wanted to do anything or asked for anything.Had to let go things which I like.Never had a say of opinion.Never was acknowledged for anything at home.Never given priority at home.Always ran through abandonment thoughts, lonely. Never got to mingle with cousins much.Same happend to be with frnds,they couldn't understand that I was having a strict environment and typical orthodox parents, so when ever I got any chance with them to meet or talk they were never available. And cz of this I was never in a good state to understand my guy, always feared he would leave me, misunderstood things cz I never had anyone to guid/explain me things.I really want to work it out with him