Depression, migraine, suicide, insomnia.

I have migraine since 3 yrs & i visited a psychiatrist before but it didn't work out. I have attempted unsuccessful suicide attempts and I'm not recovering even after trying so hard. I like to stay alone in darkness & I'm very destructive. I fight very often and I'm very short tempered. I'm kind of abusive and introvert. I don't trust people easily. I have a very sharp memory so i remember every incident which has and still gives me pain. I have been molested since childhood and always judged by everyone. My father loves me very much but he has hit me many times, his abusive language irritates me and i sometimes hate him but he has done too much for me so i am also grateful to him . He cares for me but i didn't score well in medical entrance exam so he kind of abandoned me. Those 6 months were a nightmare for me. Today i have cleared 1st yr of mbbs but those days still haunt me.My parents came to know about my medications & they r disturbed bcz of it so i can't visit a psychiatrist!