Instrunstive thoughts with a big fear.

. From 2-3 years I am having with some thoughts which never goes, is this an illness. I saw gay scene which was so odd, one day a thought came in my mind that what if I am gay from that day I always avoid girls. When I saw girls l got panic attacks , thought what If I became gay and got attracted towards her after some time it became worse and whenever I saw a girl butterflies came in my mind and I started crying because I don't wanted to get attracted  to girls but still the butterflies came in my mind . This happened  in Feb 2018 and still I have this. 50 days ago,  watched cannibalism in a movie it again struck in my mind and I thought what if I did that and now I am unable to face people because I get panic attacks and I am depressed and I cry a lot .  I googled about it and found that some people have this type of harm ocd thoughts which they have throughout the life I don't want that this thought ruin my life like that gay thought which is horrifying me from 2 years . plz reply