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Confused In Life
I have a best friend since from the last 10 year, i always tried to make her happy, be there for her in everytime. I have given more importance to her from discussing and deciding about her carreer Nd future we set everything. I always helped in every matter from small matter to even big matter too. She trusts me and i trust her too.We are a very close friends since childhood .But the thing is that due to over importance she calls me up evertime while i am on office, and i tried to do it. But thing going very wrong and she is very much dependent on me each and every thing should be done by me.
She used me like a PA , mujhe yeh karkr, dona and all. She calls up evertime when only she needs me otherwise no calls. But now i had maintained a distance from her and when she asks for a help i used to point some office work so i cannot do that and i feeled her that i am busy in office. But from inside i started hating her because of her behaviour. Is this a wrong decision i took?
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Hello, it takes a lot of courage to take a step back from a friendship that means so much to you. It seems like you have been a really good friend to her and you do not like how dependent she has become on you. Setting boundaries in a friendship is essential especially when it starts to take a toll on your personal life. Boundaries help in maintaining a healthy relationship, it dictates how do you want to be treated. In a friendship it is your right to have your privacy whenever you require it. If you havenât shared your feelings to her about how she makes you feel sometimes, it would be a good step to proceed ahead with it. Until and unless she does not know how she makes you feel she would not be able to bring out a change in her behavior. Have a conversation about this with her, share your feelings. Clear communication can be an effective thing to do in this case as speaking up about whatâs bothering you can really solve a lot of issues. Itâs okay to feel like this and if this is troubling you a lot it would be a good idea to reach out to a therapist to navigate your feelings and clarify them.
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Glad u shared buddy. I can understand that u felt u were only called upon when this friend needed u or was in some sort of distress. Sounds unfair. U wish she had wanted to be with u without any agenda too. It’s ok to feel how u feel.
One thing we need to step back and understand is that u two go a long way. And this pattern has been the way it is for many many years now. She wouldn’t know that u felt exploited or used unless u ever expressed those thoughts abs feelings to her. And that’s why things got so out of hand.
Next Steps
I want to help u feeling less guilty for how u feel. It’s okaaaayyyy. U have reasons to feel the way u do. Let’s connect when ur free n willing to explore more
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Hi it is perfectly alright to take a bit of a back step with friends with whom u hv a connection and if they are becoming a bit of an overload to u.
Maybe u cud try (if u wish to keep the relship) and let her know what ur feeling and what she can do to make things better betw u two. If u don’t want to keep the relship then continue doing what u r eventually she’ll get the message.
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Try to dispel the hate emotion ur feeling. Keeping pent up negative emotions r not good for ur own mental health ... think of it as a passing feeling and don’t hold on to it.
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Open communication is effective. Express your thoughts & feelings to her. How you are thinking. Only for dependent on you thats why you are hating.or for anything else. You need to be little bit patient to make her understand u have work. Clear & open communication will help you and your friend to understand and alter things & lead your happy life without abruptly ending relationship.
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you can directly share your feelings and thoughts through effective communication
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You need to learn how you can express your feelings without damaging the relationship. Afterall you have been for each other for so many years.
You can consult a psychotherapist for it.
Hope this helps
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Dr. Mustafa Mun (PhD)
Clinical Psychologist
4 yrs exp
Mumbai
Everyone needs some space and self respect it’s better you speak regarding your emotions to her openly and clear out all your inner feelings which you’ve been suppressing .
It will be difficult to start the conversation, but you’ll come out feeling much more relieved than what you’re feeling now .
Both of you will have far more clarity after this in depth conversation
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Don’t avoid the situation , face it once for all
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Ms. Sradhanjali Dasgupta
Psychologist
5 yrs exp
Kolkata
You can get in contact with me at a reasonable price... I can help you out. Am a Consultant Psychologist.
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Ms. Seema Jathar
Counselling Psychologist
3 yrs exp
Pune
Hi there, you need to clarify your thoughts first and need to learn to express your feeling without damaging the relationship. You can consult a psychologist to know your thoughts in better way. You can contact me through practo app for appointment.
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Dr. Anamika Gupta
Psychologist
9 yrs exp
Bangalore
Hi! It seems that you are a good friend and a helping person.Over the period of time you have realised that because of too much of your availability your friend had become completely dependent on you.Its good to see that you want her to be an independent person.My advice would be to talk to her directly and tell her what are you feeling .Most of her he issues are resolved by talking directly to the concerned person.Do not suppress your feelings and let her know what is that that is bothering you.
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For detailed intervention book an appointment with Counseling Psychologist/Therpist
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