Depression and anxiety. Recognise me!

I ve been continuing thinking of my personal problem on how will it happen in the future.I get sudden shocks all over my body thinking and I used to cry the whole day . I experience sudden mood swings also. JM married for 4 years and vent conceived a child I'm living a joint family where all my cosiaters live happily with their children . km longing to have a child . Sometimes they don't leave their children to me to play .I'm worried much that I have to see all stuffs they do and couldn't deviate my mind. My whole body hurts many a times. Whenever I expect the baby I end up with mess on a period it's already 4 years passed how am I going to live think all this . I'm not happy at heart for the sake of others I'm trying to smile outside . feel like leaving this life and get lost somewhere where no one in the world recognise me