I feel disgusted. Going through exactly.

From the past few months I'm mentally broken. There is no hope , no aim , nothing.. I can't see myself like this way. My personal life is (relationship) over. He has got to merry someone else. My past relationship (before this) was a nightmare. My career is also not set. There is no hope to look forward. I feel suffocated all the time. My routine is like - wake up with depression , then pretend to be happy for family. Crying in silence in a closed room. Overthinking. Then go to bed at night. I can't even sleep. I slept every night at 4a.m , 5am. , 3am,.. while I m sleeping there is lots of thoughts in my head.. I am feelings irritated, feeling suffocated as if I can't breathe properly.. I just to escape from home ,from my life and be alone , sometime I just wanna die , sometime I thought to be brave but can't help.. I feel so helpless.. I m writing this and I feel irritated.. can't explain what I m going through exactly.. disgusting, just disgusting..