Mentally, emotionally, physically tired.

I do not know what is this. Sometimes I want to end everything, like I think a whole day that I should quit but the next day I think I should go out & try to find myself. I feel lost, I feel lonely, I do not know what to do in life. I think I've not found the meaning of my life yet, I mean why am I living for and what to do with my life. Maybe, I overthink things. Sometimes I want to suicide but next moment I stop and think that I should not give up, everything is gonna be fine. I do not have any friends and I am not good at making any. I cannot sleep at nights, I stay awake every night doing nothing and sleep in the morning. My routine is like - wake up at 12 pm eat then feed my pets after it do nothing then eat at night and after it stay awake till morning. It wasn't like this before, now it has become like this. I want to exercise and meditate daily but I feel lazy at the moment. I do not have money to go to a psychiatrist for the treatment. Maybe I need to quit... I don't know...