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I met someone on the matrimonial app. The profile was genuine. The guy works in Bangalore in supply chain field. He has very odd working hours. And responds to messages late and uses minimal words. We had been speaking for 3 months. However I felt very left out because whenever I asked him to talk he would say chat because dad is around. I somehow know that he didn't lie but his presence was very less. He would respond to my messages for sure but he never cared to contact or call. I spoke to my sister about it and she said that he hasn't introduced his parents and you guys haven't met even. So he is not genuine. I got into this thought process. I declined his proposal on matrimony and also message him how negativelt I felt about him not making much efforts. He just wrote if it makes you happy then great. And said bye. I am dreadfully regretting my decision. And dont know how to go back to him. Instead I fought with him. What do I do? How do I correct my mistake? is anything possible?
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Hi! Please ustd that there is nothing in feeling the way you feel. Anyone in your place wud hv felt n done the same as you did. If one is looking for matrimony then proper communication is a must else misunderstandings can occur. I am so glad u took this decision. So honour your decision if you said no to his proposal because you took the decision since you thought that was the best thing to do. So do not regret it. He is not the only man who is left in this world. There r many more out there who will treat you in a better manner.
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Just chill and be happy u got rid of him.
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Don’t go after men who don’t seem to care about u. The earlier u get rid of them the better off u will be. U will not suffer from negative thoughts n painful feelings. In fact that holds true for every relationship. One simply needs the courage to walk away form them.
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If we can help you cope with the regret feeling . Would need more details to help you in the process.
You can take counselling session. We do online or in clinic session both through Practo.
This feeling you are going through is be channelised well with direction
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Counselling
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Online or in clinic appointment: Ms. Neha Ravichandran
https://www.practo.com/bangalore/therapist/mrs-neha-ravichandran-psychologist
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Hey
Glad u reached out. I can imagine u feel confused abt how u handled the entire situation. It can be very challenging to understand how a person feels and what he is thinking when he doesn’t express verbally.
U did what you thought was best at the time. If u had more information u would have acted otherwise I’m sure.
We can connect and explore what are your thoughts currently.. and consequent feelings in the matter. Sometimes just realising how u feel now and accepting that can help.
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Pls connect over a session online
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Thanks for reaching out for help. It must be quite tough to deal with that feeling of being neglected or left out. However, any interaction to understand a person better and assess if marriage is on the cards needs to be built on trust, time and support. If you feel he hasn't given that to you, it was a good decision to end it there. To deal with the sense of regret you are feeling, ask yourself if you want to go back to him after his seemingly uncaring attitude. Will you be able to take more of the same behavior?
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If you wish to get more clarity on this, take an online appointment with me or any counselling psychologist of your choice to have professional help to deal with this.
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Any feeling of regret happens because we tend to think that something that happened in the past was done in haste or due to helplessness. In your case, it was neither, rather it was because you wanted to be given the time and respect you deserved. That should not leave you with regret. Tell yourself that it was not a fault. Instead it was an informed decision.
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Hello, I can totally understand where you are coming from. This is a pretty challenging situation on your part since as you seem to be interested in this person. Also, I can understand your hesitation in reaching out to him now.
I think it's good to discuss as to how to navigate this situation, might take a few sessions.
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Please feel free to contact me for further assistance.
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Communicating each other gives clear understanding about each other. you need to gather much information regarding working time, hobbies, friends, interests, ambition etc. Before taking decision think on all aspects.
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At times people are unable to communicate effectively on phone calls, sometimes they lack the emotional vocabulary required in a relationship and that could be one of the reasons he couldn’t give his 100% , it is also possible that he has his inhibitions, limitations and challenges which he couldn’t share with you
however it makes sense that you personally meet him and know more about his and your ambitions, needs and wants and common goals in life
Also understand the family if you are seriously involved, can you trust him ? , what is your gut feeling ? Also I feel your sister with all good intent might opine on the basis of her experiences in life, you have known him better then her so, if possible reconnect and get clarification it can save you from overthinking, if he responds he values your association or else it’s better to detach, Do not go on a guilt trip
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Dr. Mustafa Mun (PhD)
Clinical Psychologist
4 yrs exp
Mumbai
Don’t regret it , your sister was right
Look towards the future and better prospects
All The Best
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Ms. Rajatha Sarkar
Counselling Psychologist
17 yrs exp
Bangalore
Hello thanks for your approach to us. I understand that it is very difficult to take decision and feeling of regret is quite natural. First of all this relationship is in bud stage, for both it could be difficult to open with the emotions in short time.
2. He could be facing his own challenges due to his work or time of working life and other external situation. You could be having different expectations. Which may not be matching.
3. If you are really thinking back of joining, you can try and share your emotions. But what made you to feel regret about your self. Please think about it. Try to get clarity to your self.
4. It is too early to build trust or break it. Although it takes a long time to build it to certain extent.
5. Regarding your sister opinion it could be based on her experience and thinking. Nothing to do with right or wrong.
Take care don't worry. 🙂
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suggest you to take the help of psychologist through this app and you can get clarity and better guidance.
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Ms. Hema Sampath
Counselling Psychologist
18 yrs exp
Bangalore
I, can agree as you felt that he might be genuine.
What is inappropriate to me is, His lack of Confidence, Indecisiveness, etc., which are basically needed to be a man and to stand for you post marriage in case it happens..
I suggest you to consult a psychological Counselor for a therapy.
For a detailed discussion and understanding you can reach me by using the link given below :-
https://prac.to/hema-sampath-psychologist-dir
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Ms. Shrradha Sidhwani
Clinical Psychologist
18 yrs exp
Mumbai
If you regret on ure decision you can try reaching out once more and clarify tour doubts. Get some more information on him before making judgements. The anger might not help. Effectively communicate.
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