Depression. Know why i am so depressed?.

Depression occurs due to interruption in neurochemistry of brain. Many cases don't have any causes. It is mostly genetic. Lots of meds are there in market. Consult a psychiatrist and get your medicines changed. The prescription which u have uploaded has too many medicines. Sometimes we stop responding to meds to which we initially responded

Shortest possible background: Self-doubt. Future is abstract and my mind has always been calculative. Failing was a fear until I did. Thereafter it was a fear of putting efforts and not getting the desired result. Self-pity. I have had been into it many times. I would pity my situation of having everything needed to lead a normal life still going bonkers of petty things. Look at happy girls and pity my situation. Depressing period. The summers were coldest for me. When the blazing sun, burned the earth in the afternoon, I would curl myself up in a blanket with fans off. Sometimes I would be sleeping the whole day to get up and sleep again. Hunger was deceptive. Sometimes I would be hungry like I had been homeless for the entire life and somedays, an entire day could be passed without having a single crumb. Self-harm. Finally. The weight of the anxiety, guilt, was weighing too much on my head and to distract myself this happened to be the dangerously alluring way out. Suicidal thought. I remember staring at the train zooming into the platform and thinking how would it be like just jumping off and ending it for once and for all. Finding an effective way to die peacefully. IF taking sleeping pills would work? How bad I wanted to peacefully sleep and never wake up.\ What keeps me going? Three very important lines kept me going and keeps me going. How worse could it go now? I have failed. I have hurt myself. I have failed relationships. I have done nothing too substantial to boast about. I wanted to die but I a still here. Now what? I did not choose this life for me. I am still not there where I have wanted myself to be in. No one will believe in my struggle until I succeed in life. Self-love is not bullshit. I follow Mr. Bean here. I save money from Pocket money and treat myself with chocolate myself when I am in my menstrual cycle. I mean why you have to expect your partner to make you feel special? Acknowledge your small achievements. It could be a very petty thing for someone to do and stupid for people but it is okay to treat yourself with ice cream after taking an exam for which you prepared wholeheartedly. I always treat myself with ice cream after an exam that went aligning with my satisfaction. Convert your loneliness into your ME TIME. Sometimes we get more depressed when we see others enjoying and hanging out with people and we do not have any. It is fine. Go to a restaurant and eat alone. It might seem pretty awkward, you might try to deduce what people are thinking about you initially but nobody cares honestly. Seek help. It is okay to contact people who write about depression. It is okay to share your story which you think is embarrassing to talk about. There are many who have been through your state. Talk to them. They would not judge you. Sometimes people might not reply, you would feel bad as well but those who reply will listen to you patiently and help you. Discuss with people who genuinely want to help you. Keep working hard and maintain consistency. Despite getting no positive result, keep working hard. It will keep you busy and sometimes it also gives overwhelmingly surprising results. I was very skeptical about my CAT performance. I used to think why I am wasting time by putting efforts when clearly smart people will crack it and I would not? But in the end, I managed to get a few calls from older IIMs as well. Apart from these few things I personally follow but not strictly. I try to be grateful for what I have. There is a blind guy who sells chocolates, or some other stuff at very cheap rates. I always try to buy things for him to help him. There is an old man who has no legs. He begs for a living. I do not know if it does any help, but I try to help whenever I can. I do not discuss my problems with everyone. There are very fewer people care about your problem and the more you talk about them, the more you will feel lonely expecting their attention. Sometimes “She does not know about my problems and how I deal with them that is why she is rude” is better than “She knows everything still she is rude to me”. I do not take medicines. I feel if I start taking medicines once, then I will be choosing easier way out and results could be only temporary. If you need medical attention you must go for it. I do not want to depend on anything to be happy with myself hence I prefer not to. I maintain a journal. I complain about things to God, thank him when I feel things are going great. Release anguish and everything when I need someone to talk. Sometimes when things are bad, I read my old journal o gather strength always. I hung on to things until I can not anymore. Especially in a relationship, I destroy my self-respect beg, wait cry and what not until I can no more. It gives me an inner strength to not return to the person again. It is better to assume I have tried enough than finding what did I do wrong? I try not to give up. Few days I do not want to get up from the bed and keep sleeping and still feel tired. It is okay to feel that for days. But I try to make sure, It doesn't get dissolve into a few months and then a few years. I break the consistency of feeling void and do something productive for at least a day to keep myself going. In the end, remember that this is not the life you wanted for yourself. Until you decide to help yourself, nobody can help you. You are valuable to yourself if not others. Make sure you be there to welcome the spring in your life no matter how cold the winter has been.

Meditation

Major Depressive Disorder. (MDD) Due to constant stress your body and mind is not able to function the way it normally does. When this problem increases it can lead to the state of depression. It happens due to decrease in certain neuro-transmitter chemicals released in your brain like - Serotonin, Nor-epinephrine and Dopamine. Different brain and body functions controlled by these neuro-transmitters are affected that  result in many behavioral and physical symptoms. If it is not timely treated it can cause memory problems and suicidal ideation in future. It also changes your behavior, memory, attention and energy levels. It can alter your personality/ temperament and can cause social difficulties in your relationships, job difficulties at your work. There are many effects of Stress and Depression on your physical health also like your immune system, gastrointestinal system and sexual function are all adversely affected due to depression. Read this article to know more https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=532188303861738&id=248570438890194 Warm Regards, DR RAHUL KANSAL MBBS (AIIMS, New Delhi) MD (University of California Los Angeles UCLA - USA) Neuro-psychiatrist Sexologist & De-addiction Expert & Holistic Physician. HOSPITAL ADDRESS - KANSAL HOSPITAL 120/238, Sector 12, Aggarwal Farm,  Mansarovar,  Jaipur - 302020