Myth:

I shouldn’t “hold in” my anger. It’s healthy to vent and let it out.

Fact:

While it’s true that suppressing and ignoring anger is unhealthy, venting is no better. 

Anger is not something you have to “let out” in an aggressive way in order to avoid blowing up. 

In fact, outbursts and tirades only fuel the fire and reinforce your anger problem 

The true goal of anger management isn’t to suppress feelings of anger but rather to understand the message behind the emotion and express it in a healthy way without losing control. 

When you do, you’ll not only feel better, you’ll also be more likely to get your needs met, be better able to manage conflict in your life, and strengthen your relationships.

Some Smart Tips which you can try out :

1. Explore whats REALLY behind your anger - Honest introspection with yourself about the SOURCE within you Anger is often a cover-up for other feelings 

2. Identify the negative thought patterns that trigger your temper 

Anger problems have less to do with what happens to you than how you interpret and think about what happened.

Common negative thinking patterns that trigger and fuel anger include:·

Overgeneralizing. Forexample, "You ALWAYS interrupt me. You NEVER consider my needs. EVERYONE disrepects me. I NEVER get the credit I deserve."

Obsessing on "shoulds" and "musts." Having a rigid view of the way things should or must be and getting angry when reality doesn't line up with this vision.

Mind reading and jumping to conclusions. Assuming you "know" what someone else is thinking or feeling—that he or she intentionally upset you, ignored your wishes, or disrepected you.

Blaming. When anything bad happens or something goes wrong, it's always someone else's fault.You blame others for the things that happen to you rather than taking responsibility for your own life.

3. Learn ways to cool down

Take some deep breaths. Deep, slow breathing helps counteract rising tension. The key is to focus completely on the breath that enters and leaves the body 

Exercise - A brisk walk / Cycling / Swimming / Any games- Whatever you are interested in 

Use your senses. Take advantage of ther elaxing power of your sense of sight, smell, hearing, touch, and taste. 

SELF-AWARENESS and BEING MINDFUL 

Stretch or massage areas of tension. Roll your shoulders if you are tensing them, for example, or gently massage your neck and scalp.Slowly count to ten. Focus on the counting to let your rational mind catch up with your feelings. If you still feel out of control by the time you reach ten, start counting again.

4. Express anger in a healthier way

Make the relationship your priority.

Maintaining and strengthening the relationship, rather than "winning"the argument, should always be your first priority. 

Be respectful of the other person and his or her viewpoint. Focus on the present. 

Once you are in the heat of arguing, it's easy to start throwing past grievances into the mix.Rather than looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the present to solve the problem.

Choose your battles. Conflicts can be draining, so it's important to consider whether the issue is really worthy of your time and energy. If you pick your battles rather than fighting over every little thing, others will take you more seriously when you are upset.

Be willing to forgive. Resolving conflict is impossible if you're unwilling or unable to forgive. 

Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which can never compensate for our losses and only adds to our injury by further depleting and draining our lives.

Know when to let something go. If you can't come to an agreement, agree to disagree. It takes two people to keep an argument going. If a conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on 

Conditions applied --- The above tips will work if you want to work out with yourself ,look into yourself for change rather than pointing fingers at the other person. By working with yourself , you evolve and grow . Every person is unique 

Everything has a perspective.

A problem can be seen in N number of ways Question yourself why you are looking in a tunnel vision and unable to see in other plausible ways 

To finish off , Its one Life - Keep it Simple . Choice is ours

Thanks a lot for reading through

Hope it made a bit of difference in your lives

Regards, 

Dr.S.Arunkumar

AGAM Brain & Behavioral Medicine Clinic